The Number One thing every family should do when their child starts school
If 2020 is the year that your child starts school, congratulations!
My eldest son, Henry started school last year (2019). Whilst there were many tough moments it was one of the happiest things to happen to our family.
That summer as all families do, we had somehow balanced: work, the third-trimester of my third pregnancy, no childcare, and the many little things that we were told would help prepare him for school. Like finding a lunch box that was easy to open, time playing at the school grounds to familiarise him with the environment, some play dates with the other prep-families, wearing in new shoes, and making sure that he knew how to use the open bathrooms at school appropriately.
As conscientious parents, we try our best every day to find the balance between managing transitions for our children, and fostering their independence. More often this translates into a long list of small tasks that we set for ourselves to keep our children feeling happy, and secure. Maybe working through these lists give us a sense of being in control, when we know in actual fact, that we are not. Some of these tasks never get done, and the consequences are insignificant or minimal.
What room is there in your to-do list, and life for the very important tasks that have significant consequences if not done? Like having a Will.
Over 50% of the parents with children starting school this year won’t have any Will at all, and many more won’t have seen a lawyer, or have a full Estate Plan.
If this is you: how have you managed to research which bento boxes won’t leak, but you haven’t appointed a guardian of your children in the event of your death?
I am going to suggest that we should use the occasion of children starting school to make sure that every family has an Estate Plan. Much like we are all now reminded to check our breasts on the first of each month.
A very basic Estate Plan should set out what would happen to your children, and your assets or their inheritance if you died, or became ill, or disabled. It comprises of a Will, Powers of Attorney (financial, personal & medical, which all vary in name from State to State), superannuation, and life insurance.
Here are my 3 reasons why the start of school is the perfect time to get your Estate Planning done!
The baby years: I know how tired you were when your beautiful baby was born. And what a shock it is to the system the amount of paperwork that you have to keep track of. Registering their birth, adding them to Medicare and private health insurance, maternal health nurse checks, finding and registering for childcare(!), and coordinating a return to work that will work for you going forward.
Whilst it would have been good to have had your Estate Planning done before baby arrived, we can understand how it really slips away at this stage of life!
Toddler-hood: what a revelation of personality and passion these years are! When they are pushing buttons, and melting down, or when they have finally learned to hug and kiss you back (oh, the joy of the weight of a child’s arms around my neck) you can’t imagine the horror of them ever having to live without you. And who else would cope with them but you? It’s certainly not ideal if you still haven’t even had discussions between yourselves by this stage, but I remember that at this stage for me, I felt like I was playing “catch up” learning how to parent the big personality of a toddler.
Your village: it can take a while for a young family to “find their tribe”. When you become parents, your relationships with your own parents and siblings can change for better, or for worse. You may need, or have expected more help than you have received. Or maybe you have had lots of help but would like some independence and privacy. Maybe you are surprised by how much slower your parents seem, and how tired a day with your kids makes them. Doing your Estate Plan when your child starts school has the added bonus of having the benefit of having had some time together as a family. This means that you know who would actually cope and support you if death, illness, or disability happened in your family. Or, by this time you may be acutely aware of the gaps in your support systems. You’re lacking the proverbial village, but at least you know it and can put in place extra plans or have the difficult conversations to account for that. In any case, it should be much easier to give instructions to your lawyer knowing all of this.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, and the next best time is now.
So, if your child is now in school and 2020 is not the year that you sign a Will, what will be your excuse? And if you or your partner were to become ill, disabled, or die without a Will would you regret not having it done. You would never neglect your child in your life, so don’t do it in your death.